“I claim no right to myself, no right to this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me…… I have given myself clear away (to God) and not retained anything of my own.” ~Jonathan Edwards

Over and over again I find this quote to be true.  If I really want to be a servant of God and I want him to guide my path I have to submit myself over to his will.  Honestly, so many times he guides me to things that I am afraid of.  Writing this blog was one of those things, the Butterfly Effect is another.

Fear

The idea came to me months ago.  I have to laugh at myself a little because there is a pattern here.  Let me explain.  God asked me to start the Blog in October of last year.  I was so afraid of it that I waited and tried to ignore the nudging feeling for 5 months.  In March the feelings were so strong that I fearfully, took a great big breath, held it, closed my eyes and jumped.  I don’t remember exactly when the idea came for sending boxes to women who were suffering, but I know it was close to three months ago.

I guess maybe I should smile at heaven and say with a grin….my lag time improved by 2 months.

So……What is it that keeps me from jumping right in?  Fear!

Conversations with God

During my three month lag time, I found others who had a similar idea.  I tried to back away…”Look Heavenly Father, it is already taken care of.”

He wasn’t going to let me off the hook so easy.  I have had dreams about what I should put in the boxes.  After the ideas came….. I spent time trying to figure out how to hand-make some of the items.  It has been a process and a scary one for me.

A friend of mine said….. “Wow!  When a few people come up with the same idea around the same time….that Is God speaking his will.”

Pushing into discomfort

I have a trauma about feeling like I have nothing to offer.  It is a deep yucky one for me that I just put words to this past summer.  I think it started with my ex-husband.  Most everything I had to offer him he cast aside with scorn.   Gifts that I bought him would be met by criticism and complaints,   Some gifts were returned, other times I was shamed for the “lame idea” and scorned for wasting money, and the gift would set there as a reminder that I had nothing to give.  This left me anxious to this day about giving gifts.

So if I have nothing to offer….what is Heavenly Father asking me to do?

Want to Cry and Feeling Sick

So, the idea is ready, and this morning all I want to do is cry.  I feel a little sick to my stomach because I am putting my idea of “giving” to other women out into the world.  I am uncomfortable, and afraid that I will be scorned…….either for having a bad idea or of trying to steal someone else’s.  I am so uncomfortable and worried, but it was time.  So what did I do?  I took a big breath. held it, closed my eyes, and I jumped.

I am uncomfortable and afraid, and it is too late, so I guess I will see what happens.

I would appreciate your support.  Please share my idea by going to Butterfly Effect @rootstoholdme on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.  You can also share this link through e-mail or other social media here:  http://rootstoholdme.com/butterfly-effect-2/

Thanks for your support!

Sending Love,

Norma