Every once and awhile out of blue I get a comment to this blog that is attacking in nature and mean-spirited.  Most times the author chooses to remain anonymous or pretend they are someone else. I always find it fascinating that they analyze every part of who they think I am, from what I sit down and write a few times a week. They have come up with projections about what my children think of me, and what my new husband thinks of me,  they have created a story that they believe to be true.

I always smile because everyone has a right to their thoughts and their opinions, but I also find it fascinating that they bash me and what I do, behind a pseudonym.   At first, I would get upset from these messages.  I am a person who is continually trying to become better and I would sort through the messages trying to decipher anything that might be valid that I should take a look at.

After doing this a few times I would come to the conclusion, that what they were saying didn’t have much to do with me.  It was a reflection of them and something they were trying to sort through.  I never know if the person actually knows me and they are just mad about what I wrote, or if they are a complete stranger, but I recognize that what I wrote was a trigger for them.

I am sorry for all those that are suffering…. I know a lot about suffering and triggers, they are not fun.  I’m sorry for your pain.  I want to be clear, I do not write in an attempt to blame or hurt others, however, I realize that what I say is painful and might hurt others.  It was painful for me to live it. others of you who have lived it can relate.

I am speaking MY truth from MY perspective.  As you all know…. there are two sides to every story.   Others have the right to share theirs.

Brene Brown is one of my hero’s.  I think that the work that she does is amazing, and has the ability to change the lives of so many.  I remember her talking about when she first became ‘known’ and how people were making comments.  Many were positive, but many others were negative.  She talks about how when we become vulnerable we open ourselves up to it all.

She says, “I was so afraid of the hard, negative, terrible stuff that happens in our culture today, you know, the anonymous comments and just the crappy stuff.”

I remember when I got my first negative comment.  It was yucky and overwhelming and sad.  I cried, How could people be so cruel?  Then I recognized that it wasn’t about me.  That others could think whatever they wanted and that was okay.  I recognized that if I believed everything that people said about me I would have very contradicting messages.  Many people love me and treasure me, and others don’t like me at all.

I am very aware of mt faults,  I have many negative “human” characteristics that I am not always proud of, and if you have earned a spot in my private life, what you say has clout.  My husband matters, my children matter, friends and other relatives matter.  If they bring something to my attention I take notice because they have earned the right.

I don’t let mistakes DEFINE me.  I don’t let my struggles DEFINE me.  I don’t let bad moments DEFINE me.  I don’t let mean-spirited comments from Strangers DEFINE me.

I get to DEFINE me, and I choose to let the best of who I am do that.   This is just the tip of the iceberg on who I am.

Trust me, if you analyze anyone you will find both good and bad.  Christ was the only perfect being.

Brene Brown said:

“So I think vulnerability  — you know, gritty and tenacious is kind of in my DNA. It’s kind of who I am and I am very hardheaded about some things and I think being vulnerable has made me a lot stronger and a lot tougher.   because, when I reflect back on times where I’ve shown up.  You know, one of the reasons that I use the Theodore Roosevelt quote for book titles and I use it as kind of the arc to talk about vulnerability, this idea of daring greatly, is because I think there’s something incredibly brave and daring about showing up and putting your ideas — I don’t care if you’re raising your hand at a PTO meeting, if you’re putting your pottery on Etsy.

Whatever your daring is, however you’re trying to show up in your life, I think there’s something incredibly contagious and powerful about it. I think it makes the people around us a little bit braver and I think it helps us get very clear on the ideals and values that guide our lives.”

 

All I can say to all my readers is that today I am showing up, and tomorrow I am going to show up.  My goal is to show up every day in my life, and I will show up and write as long as I feel I am supposed to. 
I might do vulnerability right one day and wrong the next, but I will keep showing up and I will keep trying.  As I try and fail I will get better at sharing what I should and not sharing what I shouldn’t.  For I believe it is only through trying and failing that we can fine tune our accomplishments.  If you don’t like what I write.  Don’t read it.

 

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. ~Theodore Roosevelt

I am proud to be standing in the arena!