Truth can be tricky, especially when we know it will hurt someone. I recently had an experience where I shared the truth with some people and I knew it would hurt them. I reiterated over and over that the information that I was going to give them would be hard to hear, and that in no way was I trying to hurt them. I respect them and I didn’t want them to continue to be lied to, but I knew hearing the truth would be painful.
I knew they wouldn’t take the information well, after all someone they care about was not truthful with them, but they took it worse that I ever imagined. I have been full of shame today wondering if I did the wrong thing. One part of me is sure that the truth is always the way to go….even when it is painful. Another part of me thinks I should have stayed quiet. Maybe eventually they would have figured it out on their own.
I am pondering with my mind going back and forth, back and forth all morning, did I do the right thing?
Is it okay to tell someone the truth even though it might make them look at their denial?
Is it better to lie and let them believe things that are not true because you know the information is heavy?
Was it my place to share the truth?
So many questions….
Did I Hurt Them
They are hurting and I feel like I am the one that hurt them. Honestly, I just want to cry. I don’t like to see others hurting, it is even worse when I perceive that I caused the suffering.
This situation has made me really think about my past. I think back to the many years I spent in denial. I wonder if someone would have told me the truth about my husband, would I have been capable of accepting the information?
I’m not sure that I would have.
I had evidence that he lied to me. I had evidence that he was not always where he claimed to be, but I didn’t want that to be the truth. I can look back now and see that sometimes I shoved hard evidence under the rug because I couldn’t handle the information. If someone would have told me the truth I would have been mad at them and I don’t think I would have listened.
Reminders of The Past
My brain keeps flipping from one story to another. Times over the years when I put myself in uncomfortable situations to let people know the truth and I can’t think of one that was accepted well.
Once one of my ex-husband’s friends wasn’t faithful and I found out. I went and talked with his wife. She was not happy to see me. They did end up divorced, and she did block me and never spoke to me again. Another time another one of my ex-husband’s friends lied about where he was and who he was with. Again I shared the information, she did not want to hear what I had to say. Over the years I was burned over and over again and learned that a lot of people don’t want to know the truth.
The Time I didn’t Tell
Another time, same one of my ex-husband’s friends was unfaithful on another wife. To this day I have stayed quiet about it because I realized she wouldn’t believe me.
I can honestly say that looking back, I feel way more guilt and shame for the information that I didn’t share than I do for the information that I did share. In both circumstances, I lost possible friends. I feel like keeping such horrible information myself is wrong and unethical. Today my heart is heavy with emotion. I am hurting because of others that are hurting. I pray that they will dig deep and be able to respect that I was not going to let them live in a lie. Maybe the approach was done wrong, but I still
Today my heart is heavy with emotion. I am hurting because of others that are hurting. I pray that they will dig deep to know that what I spoke was truth. I hope that they will know that it was out of love that I spoke to them. Maybe the approach was wrong, I am human and I do make human mistakes, but I still believe that truth is what sets us free. So today and maybe for weeks to come I will live in discomfort because I told the truth, but I guess I can sleep at night because at least I loved them enough to speak truth.
Friends, I would love your thoughts and opinions on this? What would you do? Would you have told them the truth knowing it would hurt, or would you have stayed silent? I look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas.