In step one I recognized that my trauma makes life unmanageable.  My thoughts and my behavior negatively impact my spiritual, physical, and emotional health.  In step 2 we come to believe that God has the power to heal and restore us.

There is only one problem, I believe without any doubt that God has the power to restore all of us, and I believe that he loves you and he will heal you.

Now for the yucky, HONEST, moment…..  (pause)

I don’t always believe that God will heal me or restore me.  Somewhere deep down I believe that if God loved me I wouldn’t have had to face what I have had to face.  I have spent so many nights in sorrow, and he did not show up to take my burdens from me.  Somewhere deep down I feel like I have to do something to earn his grace, and I obviously haven’t done enough or I would be healed.   Right?

I don’t understand this myself.  I know all the Christian teachings, I know about grace, but I don’t yet feel that it is for me.  You could come up to me tomorrow and tell me 100 times that of course, God will heal me, but I don’t feel that yet.

Scriptures teach us that:

He healeth the broken heart, and bindeth up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

I don’t know why I feel that I am excluded from that healing.

Christ invites us all:

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

I do believe this, and I have had other nights when I have felt his power come and he did lift my burdens.

So this week I am searching for HOPE.  Hope that he can heal my trauma.  Hope that one day my triggers will not take me out so easily, and Hope that his grace is for me also.

I do know that when I feel hope I am able to accomplish more.  I am a better wife, mother, and friend.  I have a bounce in my step and I feel like I can conquer whatever is sent my way.  I know that satan is real and that he uses despair to bind my heart and mind in darkness.

This week I am working to find hope in all things.  I am working on trusting God and his timetable for my healing.  I understand that maybe trauma is still such a struggle because there is more that he wants me to learn.

Action Steps:

Place our trust in God:  We need to believe that God can and will answer our prayers and heal us.  No matter how lost and confused we feel.  No matter how stuck we are, and how broken we feel, we need to trust that Gis sees us and that he will not leave us without aide.

Apply Faith in the Atonement: I have come to understand that the atonement does not only heal us from our own sins, but it can heal us from the sins of others that leave us feeling so broken and so wounded.  If we truly believe in the atonement we believe that Christ suffered everything that we suffer.  He knows our pain, he knows our exact circumstances.  He has perfect empathy and he wants to extend his mercy to us.  (This is where I struggle, I don’t doubt that he can, I just don’t feel like I am good enough to receive it.) I’m going to be spending some extra time in this area.

Study Hope and Grace:  If we want to have more hope and feel that his grace is for us, maybe it would be beneficial to spend this week studying it.   We can study it through scripture, spiritual talks, TED Talks, or just researching articles that may help our understanding of what these words mean.

Questions to ask ourselves:

  1. Do I believe in God?  Do I believe that hope comes from him? How have I been devoid of hope?  How could my life be different if I trusted him more and had hope that he could heal me?
  2. How can my faith in God bring me comfort, strength, and hope?
  3. What can I do to allow Christ to bring me out of darkness?
  4. What kind of hope and healing am I asking God to provide?
  5. What can I do to be led out of darkness?

I am a work in progress, I am hoping that this week I will be able to discover more hope in my life.  I want the bounce in my step.