Midnight had long since passed. I sat on the floor my legs curled up in front of me. So tired, and yet unable to sleep. The silence of the night making me nervous, the tick of the clock in the distance keeping time for the unknown. I had no idea where he was, what he was doing, or when he would be home. I was confused, not knowing whether to be nervous or mad yet feeling both emotions strongly. He was out drinking with his friends again. I was home alone, I was afraid of being alone and he didn’t really care. I’m not sure I ever told him about my fear, as I was also afraid of the harassment I would receive if he had the knowledge. Who knows he would probably scare me more by sneaking home drunk and playing on my fears. Which should I be more scared of?
The clock kept moving forward, hours passed right beneath my consciousness. I was stuck, one minute seemed like an eternity as I waited and waited for the unknown. Anxiety forcing its way through my veins, my imagination racing towards my worst nightmares. Satan waits in the shadows for moments of weakness…..The perfect moment for him to sneak into my thoughts had arrives….and he began playing games with my mind. “Just one little lie,” he says as he rubs his hands together and a sneering smile crosses his face. “Just one little lie.”
Satan told me many lies on those long nights when I was alone at home waiting for my husband. Satan told me lies about how worthless I was. He told me lies reminding me that if only I was a better wife, or skinnier my husband wouldn’t be looking elsewhere. He told me more lies than I can count about how I deserved what was happening to me. The entire time creating more fear and insecurity deep within my soul. He was good at what he was doing. No wonder the bible refers to him as the accuser, adversary, enemy, wicked one, and the father of lies….etc.
So many times I fell right into his trap and believed that the lies were truth. After all, I already believed that I didn’t have much to offer. He played on insecurities that I already had.
One of Satan’s most deceptive and powerful ways of defeating us is to get us to believe a lie. – Charles Stanley
What lies does he tell you?
Unfortunately, no one is immune to the lies of Satan. He is a master at deceit and he wants all of us to fail.
Satan deceives us through discouragement. He attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God. -Dieter F. Uchtdorf
What lies does he tell you?
- That you are not worthy?
- That you are not beautiful?
- that you are not skinny?
- That you are unloveable?
- That you have nothing to offer this world?
OR does he attack a different area?
- That you are a horrible mother/father?
- That you are too broken?
- That God doesn’t love you because of what you have done?
- That you are not worthy of Christ’s atonement of forgiveness?
Whatever the lie is, it is our job to call him out on the lie. It is our job to say, “Nice try Satan, but you are not going to win me over.” It is our job to keep finding hope and faith when we see no evidence of relief. It is our job to fight….
He Almost Won
I wish I could say that he never came close to winning, but that would be a lie. He came too close too many times. I have stood on the edge of my own destruction many times thinking that his lies were truth. Feeling so much pain and hopelessness that I wanted to give up on my dreams and what I believed marriage/family could be. Each time, with the help of God, I turned around and found some tiny spark of hope that brought me back from the edge, that brought me back to the fight. And I kept fighting. I still have to fight today. He tries to get into my thoughts and tell me I have little worth. I have to remind myself that it is a lie. That my worth comes from an infinite eternal being and it has always existed and it can’t ever be taken away. When I feel ugly and unlovable I have to fight to remind myself the opposite is true.
As I fight, as I change my internal self-talk, and as I learn to love who I am and what I stand for Satan has less power. As I move farther and farther from the edge there are times when I feel his efforts even stronger. I have to fight to maintain the progress I have made.
However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or distance from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines. -Jeffrey R. Holland
When it feels like all is lost, I ask you to fight. The fight will never be over as long as we are here on this earth, Satan will be seeking our ruin. You are precious to God, you are worth the effort. FIGHT!!