The Memories Are Engraved Into My Mind

The Memories Are Engraved Into My Mind

He sits on the edge of our bed, “She was more beautiful than you are.” My heart sinks! He stands above me pointing at my head as I kneel at the foot of our son, “Leave them here.” I feel fear! He laughs with his friends until I approach, then...
$200 Was More Important Than My Safety

$200 Was More Important Than My Safety

I was driving about 40 mph down the freeway.  The visibility was low, the wind was angry and gusts hit the side of my little Topaz.  I was nervous I had both my hands steady on the wheel and had slowed down to match the conditions.  The roads were slick in areas and...
Creation of an Addict

Creation of an Addict

How do you turn a newborn baby so innocent and perfect with infinite promise and hope for the future into twenty-eight-year-old abusive sex addict?  or a thirty-year-old-homeless-drunk?  or a forty-year-old woman who is so fearful of betrayal and abandonment that she...
Step 3: Trust

Step 3: Trust

What?  You want me to trust?  Wow!  Hmmmm!  This is a tough one for me.  I can think of about two people in this whole world that I would trust anything with.  TWO! When I found this picture…it really spoke to me.  I get anxious looking at it.  I guess that is...
Accepting Love

Accepting Love

I walked through the halls, girls smiling from ear to ear, arms filled with chocolates, roses, and balloons.  They reached out and hugged the boys who had remembered them on Valentine’s.  Each year I secretly hoped that someone might admire me, and each year I...
Am I Beautiful?

Am I Beautiful?

Most of my life I have been on a quest to answer a question, AM I BEAUTIFUL? As a little girl, in about 5th grade I started to see other girls for the first time as my competition.  I quickly started to see the world in a different light.  Instead of being the...
Where Is Hope?

Where Is Hope?

I was excited for last week.   I have been really struggling with HOPE, and when I started…I kept thinking.  I’ve got this.  I’m going to spend all week researching conference articles, TED Talks, and uplifting stories, and I will find Hope.  Then I...
Step 2: HOPE

Step 2: HOPE

In step one I recognized that my trauma makes life unmanageable.  My thoughts and my behavior negatively impact my spiritual, physical, and emotional health.  In step 2 we come to believe that God has the power to heal and restore us. There is only one problem, I...
How to Become Honest with Ourselves

How to Become Honest with Ourselves

Okay, let’s just admit it, getting honest with ourselves is painful.   I look back to when I was married (round 1) and I hate to admit, but I blamed a lot.  I blamed him for my unhappiness. “Blame is the discharging of discomfort and pain”. ~Brene...