For the past two and a half weeks I get up early and I head out to exercise. I wish I could say that I have such a love for it that I was doing this because I wanted to, but that would be a lie. I set a goal for myself to finish another triathlon and the date is quickly approaching. So I get up and I head out early to check it off for the day. I found a good training guide and I am attempting to follow it.
There is one problem I really have no guage for distance without help so I use my phone. Strava was my app of choice and I ran my 3 miles at a snail pace. I get to the end of my run and the dumb app wants me to share it. I don’t want to share it. The fact that I could walk a mile probably as fast as I can run one is not something that I want to brag about. In fact the studpid app won’t even let me close out of it until I share it. I am pretty ticked because let me tell you I already have a problem with comparing. I don’t want facebook, instagram, or any other social media site to know how slow I ran. I just want to personally know how far I have gone.
So the next day I go on a 10 mile bike ride and the dumb app wants me to share again. Ahhhhh!
Then I realized something, the world has a supply of never ending ways to compare. In fact the app wants me to compare. What if I want to be enough just as I am? It seems as if the world, and all kinds of technology try to keep me from just finding my personal best. It seems to be determined for me to always compare, and in always comparing I will come up short. You see I don’t compare myself to other peoples weakness, I only compare myself to others strengths.
I don’t spend much time on social media, maybe 10-30 minutes a day. What i do know is in that amount of time if I get on instagram there are a series of pictures of healthy food plates. I immediatly think ugg, I know I should eat healthier, but I do not want a salad without dressing, some vegis, and a boiled egg for lunch. So then what do I think…”Well, if you ate like that you would probably lose weight.” And you want to know what, I start to feel bad about myself.
SMACK…in the face comparison!
Then later in the day I get on Facebook just for a few minutes and my feed shows me mothers who have taken their kids out to breakfast, then to the water park, then came home and made a new skirt, and now she is outside at the grill cooking steak. I look over and realize my family get’s left overs.
SMACK…. comparison again.
I can stay in my house all day long and end up comparing 100 times…. better mother, better cook, faster runner, farther runner, better seamstress, more handy, more motivated…..and the list goes on and on. No one puts their failures on facebook, pinterest, or instagram, only their successes.
Drowning in Inadequacy
You don’t see the mother who burned breakfast posting pictures or the recipe that tasted horrible and did not turn out. You don’t see the idea that turned out ugly on pinterest, or the skirt that didn’t end up fitting. We don’t see those things because nobody…and I menad NOBODY wants to show their failure becasue they feel shame. Those moments make us feel like we are not enough. So we madly continue posting all of our successes while others around us may just be drowning in inadequacy.
I came to a realization….I didn’t want to put my running on social media because I didn’t want the world to know how slow I am and at the same time I didn’t want to brag. I just wanted to exist, and be me. I wanted to prepare for my triathlon in private because I want to finish it for me. I don’t want to be compared to faster runners, better seamstresses, or amazing mothers. I just want to do the best that I can for me!
I want to be proud of ME!
So I found an app for my exercise that does not require me to share it, then I realized something maybe I should be the one that starts posting my failures. Maybe it would just take one person being real to help normalize humanity for others. What if I chose to post and not care what others think about my speed, or my failures and still be proud of me. I think I am on to something.
Here goes…..I run three 13-14 minute miles 3 times a week.
Friends, would you share your failures with me? Let’s quit comparing ourselves by showing each who we really are…mistakes and all….no shame allowed. Please comment below.