I sat in my bed tears pouring down my face when I first heard of her death. It is amazing how quickly the brain tries to protect itself from hard information. I felt panic, but the first thing I did was check the news. Just like that, I fell into denial. This could not be happening. When the news had no report next I went to Facebook. (Don’t ask me why. In desperation, I wanted to see a post saying that it didn’t happen, that she did not take her life. I loved her so much.
Did she know that I loved her? Had I told her how much I cared? What could I have done? How did I not know how much she was suffering? Wait….I did know. My heart sunk into my chest as the tears continued to fall. I knew she was suffering, her circumstances were such that any mother in her situation would be suffering and my heart hurt for her. I had been to dinner with her a little less than a year ago. We had talked about her kids being gone, we had talked about the struggles of blending a new family. I knew she was suffering and I had been there for her. I tried to reach, but she isolated and that kept her at a distance.
I could not quit thinking about her precious children. I began to pray. “Heavenly Father, what can I do for her children. What can I give to them so that they know how much they were loved by their mother.” Feeling discouraged and so sad I continued to cry. Then as quick as lightning a thought was given to me by the Spirit of God. In that moment I knew that I needed to gather her clothing and make quilts for her children. My mind did not waiver.
The first problem that I faced was that I don’t know how to quilt. I have helped my mother tie quilts, and years ago I made a rag quilt, but quilting, real quilting with fabric pieces, NO IDEA how to do that. Yet, my mind did not waiver. I was on a mission for these precious children. I called both my mother in law and my Relief Society President. I told them the situation and asked them if they knew of anyone who might be willing to help me. After asking others that I attend church with I got a few names but felt prompted to call one specifically. I sent her a text and told her the situation. She gladly said that she would help me and I could not stop crying. It meant so much to me that someone would give me their time and their energy so that I could follow through with what I was asked to accomplish. My heart was so full. God had asked me to do something that was far beyond what I was capable of, but he provided a way.
I needed to approach my friend’s grieving mother for clothing. I kept having an overwhelming feeling that I needed to ask for the clothing quickly. The viewing was on a Sunday night with a funeral on the following Monday. How was I going to make this request in a sensitive manner? She had just passed. Over and over again I knew that I needed to ask quickly. I began a prayer. “Heavenly Father, if I am supposed to get the clothing prompt me when I should ask so that I am being sensitive to the needs of the family. As I was walking through the line at the viewing I was able to easily approach my friend’s mother and she said she would save some for me. She asked me to call her the next week.
Some of the clothing I was able to gather will work well for a quilt, and other fabric won’t, so I decided I would need to buy some matching fabric to be able to finish the quilt. I would not consider myself great when it comes to matching fabric. At Thanksgiving time I decided to hit JoAnn’s fabric and get some of the material on sale. I was in the store for almost 2 hours and I was really struggling with knowing what fabric would work well. I looked down at my watch and realized I was out of time. I stopped and said a quick prayer, “Heavenly Father, please help me pick the fabric that will work together for this quilt, it is really important to me,” Within the next 5 minutes I had picked out the other 3 fabrics that I needed.
God Will Provide
I have been amazed at how God has provided for me. He asked me to do something that I did not know how to do, but he provided a way for me to do this. It all started with an idea from the Holy Ghost(Spirit) to make the quilts, to the timing on when I should ask for the clothes, to who could help me, and down to the smallest detail of which fabric I could use. This was such a testimony builder for me that if I obediently try to do what God asks of me he will provide a way.
When we are willing to follow God’s lead, and we bravely move forward despite our own inability to accomplish what he asks. He will provide a way for me and for you.