Satan’s Lies

Midnight had long since passed.  I sat on the floor my legs curled up in front of me.  So tired, and yet unable to sleep.  The silence of the night making me nervous, the tick of the clock in the distance keeping time for the unknown.  I had no idea where he was, what he was doing, or when he would be home.  I was confused, not knowing whether to be nervous or mad yet feeling both emotions strongly.  He was out drinking with his friends again.  I was home alone, I was afraid of being alone and he didn’t…

I Don’t Believe You!

“It doesn’t matter what you say, or what you do, I don’t believe you!”  I didn’t say it in anger.  I said it because deep inside I know it is true.  Until I believe it and until I know it in the depths of my soul, my brain will always have a little ounce of doubt. Then, he asked a question that would bring me tons of shame.  “Does it make you feel better when you push me away?” Ouch, now that hurt….I sank into the deeper thoughts of my mind.  “Is that what I was doing?” I asked myself. …

Do you have any faulty core beliefs? What lies do they tell you?

The human brain is amazing!  Your brain was made to be able to think and create.  Unfortunately, the creation part can both help you and hurt you.  The brain loves patterns and stories, but it doesn’t like gaps in stories.  It has an ability to fill in the gaps quickly and efficiently.  Often times the blanks are filled in with information we have gathered, patterns that we have seen on tv and movies.  It can also fill in the stories using our faulty beliefs about ourselves. The master computer The brain is a master computer determined to make sense of…

The “Should Be” TRAP steals our self esteem

The spider waits patiently in his web. Wanting to steal away the self-esteem and worth of its prey.  Legs stretched out onto shiny, silky threads waiting for the slightest movement to indicate something is caught in his trap.   The fly buzzes along unaware of the spider anxiously awaiting her mistake. Quietly, almost as if nothing happened she comes to a halting STOP. Her wings are pinned, as she fights to escape the sticky threads grasp outwards and attach to more of her body. She becomes ever more entrapped. It is only then that she notices the spider. The web is…

A Message For The VICTIM: “Stay Silent and then we will accept you.”

STAY SILENT, and Invisible, “I don’t need to hear about the abuse you faced.  I haven’t read your blog, nor have I been tempted to!” This message came from a woman who loves me, or claims to love me. When I first got the message I have to admit I was a little shocked.  I have spent hours talking and laughing with her.  We have been silly together and talked about life’s hardships together.  I sat with my phone in my hands as tears fell into my lap.  I cried because I love her so much, and I recognized that…

He Painted Me

I am confused, I don’t understand!  When you look at me do you really see negativity?  Do you really think I am unkind?  Do you only see someone who wants to control and complain?  Do you really see an ugly person that desires to hurt people?  Do you really think I am crazy?  What! I didn’t lie; why are you calling me a liar?  How is it that inside I feel so much different than what you claim me to be?  Why can’t you see me?  Why do you always assume my intentions are to hurt people.  You ask me…

Distorted Images

During a very pivotal time when I was trying to heal I came across a quote that pierced my soul.  It read: “Until you see the truth of others you can not truly see the truth of yourself.” That quote didn’t just speak to my mind, it spoke to my soul.  For the first time in my 37 years of life I realized that I couldn’t see myself.  I believed myself to be so bad, so worthless, and so unworthy.  I was just beginning to see myself for what I actually was, and as I started to see myself I…