Fighting Through Triggers

I knew the date to sign up was quickly approaching.  As it neared I wondered each day if I could do it.  Could I fight through the triggers of my past in order to put in the hours I would need to train?  I went back and forth.  Worried that if I didn’t sign up I would have to admit that the triggers of my past still have a HUGE hold on me, and worried that if I did sign up I might be wasting $100, and finances are tight. As the new year hit, I knew that I needed…

Comparison, No One Wins

A few weeks ago my son came home from his dad’s house and he was really upset.  I decided it was worth a conversation, so the next time I saw his dad I brought it up.  My ex-husband completely blew me off and said, “You are just jealous of ___________(his new wife)”.  Initially, I felt my blood pressure and anger rise….. I felt like the little cartoon characters back in the good old days that get so mad they have steam coming out of their ears. Even though I felt like this little guy, I took a deep breath and…

Part 4: My Sin, Working Through My Shame & Helping Others

Starting in the fall of 2007 until the summer of 2013 this sin-plagued me.  No matter how much I tried to put it behind me it kept resurfacing with a vengeance.   I thought that I had forgiven myself, but each time my husband used it against me to keep me quiet the same yucky feeling would wash over me and I would remember that I was bad and not good enough.  It took me down at the knees so many times.  I tried to leave it behind; my husband wouldn’t let me, I wouldn’t let me. Stupid, worthless, and bad!…

Sifting through your past so you can choose your future.

As I drove into the city I noticed that I was shifting back and forth in my seat.  I was feeling anxious.  My hands became clammy and I felt my chest tighten.  I told my husband that I didn’t really care for big cities, that they make me uncomfortable and nervous.  He asked, “why?” Initially, I couldn’t answer his question.  This is what I knew: I felt like I might be in danger. I was paying very close attention to my surroundings. I was nervous, almost jumpy. So what was going on? Do you have fear about things and you…

Handing Your Will Over to God

I remember the day I did it.  The day I reached over and tagged my partner in the tag team wrestling match.  I was tired, I had been digging deep and fighting with everything that I had for months, for years.  I was determined to win, and I wanted to win my way. I always knew my partner was the stronger member of our team, and I knew he would win it for us, but when he takes over the match becomes unpredictable.  I was afraid of that! I didn’t want to tag him, and I did want to all…

No two journeys are the same. It’s okay to be exactly where you are!

My life didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to.  As a little girl I wanted to be the Princess.  I wanted my knight in shining armor to come a sweep me off of my feet and save the day.  I never imagined that I would marry a man with an addiction.  I never imagined that I would be a victim of verbal abuse and neglect.  I never saw a divorce or a blended family in my future. Trauma?  Until 3 years ago my definition of trauma was a car accident or a rape.  I had no idea that…