Never Ending Opportunities for Comparing

For the past two and a half weeks I get up early and I head out to exercise.  I wish I could say that I have such a love for it that I was doing this because I wanted to, but that would be a lie.  I set a goal for myself to finish another triathlon and the date is quickly approaching.  So I get up and I head out early to check it off for the day.  I found a good training guide and I am attempting to follow it. There is one problem I really have no guage…

I took a big breath, held it, closed my eyes, and I jumped. Trying to Do The Will of God!

“I claim no right to myself, no right to this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me…… I have given myself clear away (to God) and not retained anything of my own.” ~Jonathan Edwards Over and over again I find this quote to be true.  If I really want to be a servant of God and I want him to guide my path I have to submit myself over to his will.  Honestly, so many times he guides me to things that I am afraid of.  Writing this blog was one of those things, the Butterfly Effect is…

Comparison, Will I Ever Believe That I Am Enough?

I watched the college girls walk past me with their short shirt dresses.  Their laughter filling the corridor as they headed to the event.  They blew past me, not acknowledging my existence.   As they headed up the stairs I was shocked at the fact that their hind ends were almost hanging out from beneath the flowing bottom edge of the material.  “Now that is short.”  I thought to myself.  I looked down at my sweater and floor length maxi skirt.  I tried to fight the thoughts, but the message is embedded deep inside of me, the realization that ‘I…

A Letter: To All The Women Who Had An Affair With My Husband

Dear ___________: When I first found out about you, my heart broke. Why would you sleep with my husband? Was it because of lies that he told you about me?  Did he play a victim?  What could he have possibly told you that made you forget that I was a person?  How did he change me from a real living, breathing, human being with feelings….. to an object?  An object that you cast aside, an object that you didn’t feel you should respect? A Glimpse of You I think of the many times that I wanted to go to your…

She Became A Trigger, I Built A Wall

I saw her walk toward us.  She was so beautiful, but I had no idea who she was until he said, “Amy”, with admiration in his voice.  I looked up at him, his smile told a story and fear reached into me. “No, this can not be happening to me,” I thought.  I was having a hard time breathing, and my face was hot.  I was speechless and I wanted to burst into tears.  Was this “the Amy”?  The one that he always talked about from high school with longing in his voice.  The one that he adored? I looked…

Comparison, No One Wins

A few weeks ago my son came home from his dad’s house and he was really upset.  I decided it was worth a conversation, so the next time I saw his dad I brought it up.  My ex-husband completely blew me off and said, “You are just jealous of ___________(his new wife)”.  Initially, I felt my blood pressure and anger rise….. I felt like the little cartoon characters back in the good old days that get so mad they have steam coming out of their ears. Even though I felt like this little guy, I took a deep breath and…